I'm not quite sure when this started but it must of been just a few days after Hannah's passing. While I was praying, I just wanted Hannah to know that I'm thinking of her and hope she is happy. That is my wish for Hannah and on occasion I tell God about it. I want God to in a way pass that message on to her or however things work up there.
There are a lot of things about the gospel and the whole grand design of things that I just don't understand, especially when it comes to the spirit world. I don't let my lack of understanding bother me too much and just tell myself that is not my spiritual gift. There has only been two distinct times that I have felt Hannah near me but that had only lasted a quick second for acknowledgement and then it was gone. I believe in the ministering of angels but I'm not sensitive to know what comes from Hannah or someone else. I'm okay with that because when I get to heaven my understanding will become clear and until that time, to me every good feeling comes from the Holy Ghost.
The Sunday before she died (she died early Tuesday morning), she received a blessing and that thing that stuck out to me the most was at the end of the blessing it said that she had missions to fulfill. I want to strongly believe that Hannah is greatly needed in heaven. I want to believe that she is very busy fulfilling her purpose and teaching people instead of always watching over our family. Maybe she can do both but I would feel more comfortable knowing that she isn't watching me losing my temper and patience with my family.
I hope when we are reunited again that Hannah will still need her mommy even though she will be the expert on heaven instead of me being the "expert" on this life. I wonder who is watching over her and I really hope she hasn't found her spouse already. I feel like a missionary mom, proud of her choice to serve God while still longing to have her home. I would love a count down to know when we would be back together again and I would love to get a letter from her. I feel for the moms who miss their children and am jealous of them at the same time.
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